Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
