I just threw up on my dentist
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
