i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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