He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
