Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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