a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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