She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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