i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
