we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
