Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
