You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
