I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
