no, he came in my armpit
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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