my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
