I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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