I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
