i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
