sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
