I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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