What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize