Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
