I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
