this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
