I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
