i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Congratulations! We have a period
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
