I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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