Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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