I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
