I molested 6 butterflies tonight
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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