was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
