Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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