just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
