When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
