im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
