i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize
