I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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