i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
