He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
