just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
