i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
