The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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