This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
