Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
