false alarm. still invincible.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
