I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
