I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he thought i was a dude.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
