im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
