allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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