the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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