i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
