Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
