I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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