I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
