she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you would pick up someone in the library
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
