She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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