why im i the only drunk person in the library?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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