There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
