I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
