we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
