The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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