His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
