Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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