i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
