Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
