What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
