and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
